The Parable of the Lost Card: I found it... The card is found.

I was busy cleaning the playroom last Friday. I arranged the books of my brothers - from kinder to grade school and some were college textbooks. I found some of the books that my brothers were looking for. My brothers are fond of collecting Thomas and Friends toys - while my brothers are playing around. Wiped the floor and the shelves. It was a nice feeling. I thought it would take me a half day, but it took me the whole day until it was sunset.

In the afternoon when I continued cleaning up, I opened the big cabinets and saw my file boxes. ( I am really a very sentimental person - some cards and gifts people gave me ever since high school are still there.) But in that one cabinet, I thought there were only shells but at the back of it, I saw two big file boxes, which were MINE! It contains my important documents, some exam papers and some notes i made during college. I also threw some of my scratch papers. I read some notes and some papers. I also found the note cards that my fellow AYS Officer made when I left AUP. But there was one thing that lighted up my being - I found the CARD I was looking for months.

It was a delight that I found it! It made my whole day perfect! Though I grew tired of cleaning and arranging things - it was still a success! Now that I found you, I'll be keeping you closer to my heart.

The next day was Sabbath, it was a coincidence or God's great power that His message related to my experience last Friday.

The card is found just like the shepherd found his lost sheep.

Sometimes, there are things that there are people who knows they are lost but didn't know how to get back ( the lost sheep), there are also people who doesn't know they are lost ( the lost coin) and there are also people who learned they are lost but managed to go back (the prodigal son).

Whichever we may be among the people up there, let it be a commitment to take God first in the morning and the last note in the evening.

Dear God,
I know I am not perfect, I do get astray sometimes. I am not strong, I usually stumble. But through the years, my God has been faithful. He has always been there to remind me. Thank you for the gift of prayer and gift of having a God as loving as my Father in Heaven. Thank you. Amen.

:)

Disown

When you say 'itinakwil ka na,' it means the person disowns you. If ever you are his father or mother, then you are no longer his child.

Some people though they didn't do anything wrong would eventually hurt you or leave you. Coz as they say, there is no permanent thing in this world such as change. But who in the right mind would disown someone as his or her own child, relative or whatsoever.

Well, is it true that parents could never disown their child? I guess I wouldn't agree on that. Why are there homeless kids? Why are there kids thown in the garbage can? Is there such mercy on that?

But I still praise my God that whatever happens I know that he will never ever do it. Though people persecute you, He will make a constant reminder that He is there.

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. Deuteronomy 31: 6, ESV

Ignore and Focus

Often we get into circumstances where we stop and think alot. Often we get distracted and misguided. Then there are times you went off tract and get bruised and hurt. Thinking and reflecting might do two ways to you. It could either be good or bad. But no matter what it is, reflecting what you have done throughout the day would be nice, to look what went wrong and what went good.

But sometimes, the best is to ignore so you can focus on what is ahead. Stop turning back and looking at what was left behind; rather FOCUS on what is in store for you.

A Good Friend

I miss the friend I used to have, that I know when I was down and shattered into pieces I could count on that person. Things I told that no one else knows. The first who knew about a big decision I had. Though I failed, that person tried to put me up.

I hope that person still reads my blog. And through this, I hope that person knows that I would be here through time. Though time and place sets us apart, I will be here. And I will remember to smile.

I will never forget that time when that person brushed my head. It was the nicest thing to do, thank you – though you know I have been undergoing lots of troubles and you too. I hope my presence then made a difference and I hope I made you happy in a short amount of time.

But now, I hope, we could just go back to what we used to be. The good friends, whom I could count on in the middle of the night, especially when I am all alone… Someone who could hear how much it hurts for me to be alone and would stay until I feel a lot better... Someone who’d stay the night to help me through my troubles… Someone who won’t bother to put me in that person’s busy schedule... Someone whom I can call whatever time of the day… Someone whom I can tell basically everything… I really appreciated it- especially the time. I don’t know if it matters to you – but it matters so much to me - thank you – I really felt someone cared for me as much as you do.

Btw, thank you for being a good friend. And I know you are always there.

Unexpected Dreams

There are dreams that might make you cry or make you happy. Dreams that you wanted and dreams you never wanted to happen.

A few months ago, I had a scary dream. Someone I knew is about to be married - without any knowledge that the person is going to be wed on that very day where I was invited. As I saw that person walking and looking back at me smiling. But those brought tears to my eyes. And I guess I felt left alone, unimportant. I woke up in tears and it never stopped until my mom cracked a joke.

A few days ago, I had a strange dream. It was what I really wanted to hear from that person - that the person is not angry at me and that person received what I sent him\her. It was all I wanted to hear. I woke up, smiling.

Dreams make different changes to how we face our days. It might either make us feel bad or the other way around. Sometimes, these dreams gives us lessons or reminders.

Dreams as it is are wonderful experiences - reminding us that life is beautiful no matter how sad or how happy it might get. Just like life - a mysterious road. A box full of beautiful lessons and surprises.

Said and Unsaid Marks

People have different marks in your life. Some would inspire you to do the things you used to do. There are people who believed in you and you take courage in them. But there are people that the more they push you away, the more you get disappointed and sad.

Once there was someone who brought the music back in me. Well, he inspired me a lot in studying the piano again. I tried to pick up my notes and my chords and try to start from them - maybe because we both feel connected in music. It was in music that we started to be friends. It was in music that we spend our breaks with or when we have nothing to talk about. Dream, right? Well, it didn’t last long. Coz’ it eventually died down. People change and people leave.

So, I began to go back to the things I used to do, blogging – no one even tried to inspire me to do it again. It was my outlet of joy and tears, of learnings and regrets and of setbacks and successes.

Maybe because I expect too myself from myself and too much from others, that’s why people tend to leave.

Of all things, feeling all alone, and said and unsaid goodbyes are the saddest.

Feeling all alone – it scares me just thinking I am alone, that the people I value the most would eventually leave. That is why leaving puts a big scar in my heart. Often, I send random messages to friends – a gratitude and thoughts of hope and tears that they wouldn’t leave me no matter what. It may sound that I might be begging for companionship – but that is how I value friendship – I wanted them to feel that they are important in my life that they too have a place in my heart. If it might’ve offended one or more, I am sorry, I never intended to hurt or to put burden of any sort in you. Knowing you are there for me and knowing someone is listening – that’s enough for me.

Coz, I know I my heart, I wanted to be valued and appreciated. Who doesn’t want that? Everyone needs it, right?

Then, what is the good in goodbye? It has never been good, it has always been the other side. So, what is the difference in said and unsaid goodbyes. In said goodbyes- you know why the person has to leave, while unsaid goodbyes leave you to no good, no reason, no anything, and leaves you empty handed and questions why. Why does he or she has to to leave? Did I do something wrong to make him or her leave? It leaves you disturbed and unimportant.

Reasons or no reasons – both makes you sad, but all you can do is to UNDERSTAND; maybe these people has their own troubles and doesn’t want you to get in the way.

But what saddens me are – promises, a promise that he or she will never change, that he or she will be there no matter what happens. Is it true or is it just a matter of making you feel calm? I don’t know. He or she might have reasons but only he or she knows it.

God, help me to calm down and to understand people. I know I am very sensitive about others and I tend to assume if I caused hurt. I am sorry in any other way that I caused people to feel sad or bad about anything I did. Forgive me Lord. Amen.

Happy Birthday Bes!

Missing Someone

Minsan nakakalungkot din talaga. Kung sinu man xa, akin na lang yun. 

Basta, I know I am happy today :) Thank you God!

All things worked for our good

Two years ago, as far as I can remember, I endured one of the hardest parts of my life – letting go of my first love. Hard as it is, it took time for me to move on. It was not easy. I struggled a lot. I hurt a couple of people and disappointed a lot of my friends. Then and there, God paved the way for me, to excel in school and in other ways. God taught me how it is to be a volunteer teacher for teens during Sabbath School. I conquered some of my fears. I begun to sang songs (well, I know I am not really good at it.) I learned how was it to be a big sister, a mother and a friend to my younger siblings. God taught me great lessons – from school to family. I may still be at the crossroads but I continued to have faith in God.

As far as I can remember, I know the first meeting was a disaster – awkward. I was kind of bitter but I begun to know why.  I was not ready that time either to see him or to talk to him. Everything came pouring because people tried to push us together and that made me mad. But I tried to evaluate myself that time – there was none. There are no more feelings left. And no, nothing is between us anymore. 

Last week, we got to talk. I thought meeting him for the second time would turn to be another disaster. But, I was wrong. The conversation went smoothly. All things were cleared. Now, I know that sometimes, people need to talk. I am happy that we are good – good friends.

Moreover, it's nice to know that some things are better now. Past done. Present-here I come! Thank you GOD!

Just like a famous song, says...
All things work for our good though sometimes we don't see how they could. Struggles that break our hearts in two, sometimes blind us to the truth. Our Father knows what's best for us His ways are not our own. So when your pathway grows dim and you just don't see him, remember you’re never alone. God is too wise to be mistaken. God is too good to be unkind. So, when you don't understand, when don't see his plan, when you can't trace his hand, trust His Heart.

Every heartbreak, every struggle, all makes us stronger. It is God's way of saying, I am here and I won't let you fall. I will be there all the way and I won't leave you behind.

Time goes and changes come. We don’t know what the future holds. But the best thing is – to take things slow. Prioritize the priorities. Face the problems that are right in front of you. Keep looking up to God. If it’s meant to be, it will be. All in God’s time.

Growing UP

Growing up is hard, especially learning how to deal with it. I grew up being the eldest and often I was like the youngest maybe because I was the only girl.

My family started from scratch and learned how to live life. Eventually, my parents became successful - well, my mom is good in handling the business. Struggles in family kept on growing the more problems, the harder it is to handle life.

Moreover, it took time and I too became involved in this family. I didn't meddle often with the family issues, but when things got messy, I know I had to take my stand. It was hard. It is hard. It was hard to balance things and trying to protect the family. But there are things that people need to understand. We are not a perfect family. Imperfect as it is, I became weak all throughout.

Then and there, I continued to struggle. I asked God for help, and He didn't fail me. He still keeps me strong and keeps my hopes up. Though I am still in the crossroads, I know He'd continue to bless me and my family. Help me Lord. I surrender everything to you.

Happy Birthday Andrew!

Happiness in Singleness

“If you ain’t happy singling with Jesus, then you ain’t gonna be happy being married with Jesus” – voichik

Years ago, I often think, “If I had someone by my side, I would be happy and I would feel loved.” The thought may be right, but it should not be the driving force for one person to be in a relationship. It should not be because ‘others had theirs, so I had to’ or ‘I’m almost 30, maybe then I should start settling down.’

I have learned from people around me that marriage life is not that easy. It’s hard. It would put you in times of giving up, letting go or simply running away. It would put you times of regrets and tears. On the other hand, it would also bring you joy and happiness. But the more happiness you get, the more struggles and challenges come.

A few years ago when my Auntie visited us here in Bicol, she told me, ‘if you can’t be happy being single, then you would not be happy being married.’ Then, as I was watching Unstoppable, he said ‘if u aint happy singling in jesus then u ain't gonna be happy being married with Jesus.’ Both mean the same – happiness in singlehood.

I tried to put things all together, then evaluate myself. If I continue to push God to give the person for me at my present state, ‘would I be happy? Would I be contented?’ I don’t know - maybe yes or maybe no.  One or two years of being single would not be an answer to being enough of being happy in singlehood.

It is a conviction to oneself.  To be happy is a choice. It’s not being prone to falling in-love and those ‘kilig’ moments. You might feel ‘kilig’ in one point and then disappointed in another. But keep hoping.

It’s also surrendering yourself to God. Trusting Him of the possibilities of your plans. Start your day with a prayer and a daily communion with God.

It is not worrying for your future – to be married or not. It is not about the past – hurts, regrets or the old you. Stop looking at the future, at your past, at your left or at your right – start looking Up! (Voichik, Unstoppable)  It is growing in your present state – growing to be a good partner with God and letting Him in control.

It is not assuming someone likes you just because they are being nice to you. Just like Ramon Baustista said in his book, ‘ Bakit di ka crush ng crush mo?’ Wag Mong isipin na gusto ka nya hanggat di siya nag-iilove you. Do not assume unless otherwise stated. It is not closing doors to others so that you’ll just open one door for one person – it’s being open to possibilities and opportunities.That is why there’s this ‘prospect’ belief. But if you had someone in mind, pray about it.

Now, I must think of my possibilities. I told myself, focus on what you have now; focus on priorities. Love can wait. True love waits. If it will be, it will happen. Just trust God.

I don’t think we are destined to be with someone – coz’ there is no such thing as destiny. I believe it should be put in this way- that there is only one person who complements you better – a partner in God’s hand.

Idleness

It is in idleness that often we think about a lot of things. Things about hurting and be hurt. Things about being scared to try. Things about expectations. Is life really like this? It puts you in a point where you cannot see how to solve things or why some things happened. Then in second thought, you either cry or smile. Well, it depends where you put your feet at.

My 10-day vacation Part 3: Roommates Weekend

Early morning of Friday, I woke up in tears. I couldn’t remember why I did, but what I remember I wrote an entry before in my blog. I had my breakfast at the cafeteria with Anne and spent the morning at Misty’s Office at NPUC. At noon, I don’t remember having lunch or maybe may stomach was full that time. At around 2:30 or 3pm, I rode JacLiner for Balibago. It was a two-hour ride. Though it was raining, I thank God, I safely arrived in Balibago and rode the jeep to Paseo to wait for Ystal. At 4:30 or 5pm, I arrived at Paseo. I waited for almost two hours for Crystal and Micah. But while I was waiting I had my snack at 7/11. At around 6 or 6:30pm, Mommy Lan came and we had grocery shopping. At 7pm, Tal and Micah came. Unexpectedly, I saw Julio at lining up for the next jeepney. Julio stopped at PutingKahoy while Mical, Crystal and I at Imperial. Myrtle was waiting for us while having some fishball. Haha. Then we rode the tricycle off to Crystal’s place. It was a tiring day indeed but happy coz I saw them again. We had our worship and had our sharing.

The next day, we helped each other prepare for our breakfast and prepare for church. I went to church with Julio that Sabbath at PIC. How I missed attending church services at PIC. After church, I saw old friends. Later, we visited the new College of Theology Building. Thank you Julio, especially for the time, when I was there in Cavite.

Later that afternoon, Myrn and Nanay Lady came. We spent the sundown at Nuvali for a picnic. It started with a good weather but ended with rainfall. It was a good time indeed to catch up with roommates.

At around 8pm, Nanay Lady and I met Julio at Nuvali. 

My 2013 10-day vacation Part 2: Manila Days

By the afternoon of Tuesday, Anne and I went to MOA and waited for Blanca and Liz for dinner. Many things changed and I was glad there are some things that don’t. We had our snack at Greenwich and we had to wait for minutes because they had my order mixed up. But because of that, Anne and I had our share of thoughts. Afterwards, we went to the department store and looked for bags and shoes – which I wasn’t able to buy any… (Hahaha…) When Blanca came, we continued our window shopping… later on, Blanca and I ordered food at Chowking, (my favorite Beef Chowfan with Plain Tofu!) (Namiss ko yun, lagi na lang kasi McDo.. Hahaha...) Liz came and off we went to some short stops at shops and at DQ courtesy of Anne.

 I cried that night, because I missed Ate Mira's home. It was like a second home, the feeling when I left home. (My tears do easily fall… Hay, kahit ngaun, namimiss ko pa din ang family nila Ate).

Wednesday came, rain came pouring. It was CPAR enrollment/reservation day and house-hunting day. At lunch, I left LRT Gil Puyat station for DeJose. Then, Andrew and I rode a jeep (Gastambile? Tama bay un? Hahaha… Promise, I had to memorize everything!) Then we walked for a few blocks along Espana and arrived at CPAR. He helped me looked for a good seat as I write some details in the enrollment form (Jaja, remember- September 15 ang deadline!) Then, we looked for Mimi’s dorm/apartment and sad to say they are fully booked but told us that I should come back by October. That’s when I remembered, we didn’t have our lunch, and we had it at Goldilocks. 

I am good at taking stolen pictures
but then I didn't know Andrew took some pictures as well :))

Then rain came pouring, we had our chit chats. When the rain stopped for a bit, we left Goldilocks and kept looking for the dorm of my classmate, Mafe. Disappointed and the rain continued to pour, we left and went home. But at least, I had my options for a place to stay.

I arrived at the apartment around 4pm or 5pm, I was not sure. Later, Bhoobie and I had a photoshoot. I was the photographer. Haha. It was fun!

I thought it was the end of the day, but later I got a call. 

Later that night, I got a call. A call that I think, would close everything. I hope people would stop pushing us together for there is no reason for us to be together. It was enough and for me it was the end and it was enough.  Case closed.

Then later Liz and Misty fetched me from MAMC and I stayed the night at their place in Vito Cruz.

Thursday came, I had breakfast with Anne at McDOnalds ( well, McDo is my favorite fastfood chain).  Later, I had to go back to CPAR, and I was thankful Chim had to go RESA. Promise, I forgot the Jeep that Chim and I had our ride from DeJose Station. The only thing I can remember is the jeep I rode from McDonalds and stopped at Ministop at Cayco. Mafe and Nhic waited for me at CPAR and we bought our lunch at a nearby store. We had our chats at their place at Earnshaw St. (former Mother Theresa Bldg.) Their place was nice and clean. I love to stay there but I had to look for people to share the room with. Later we went to Recto to purchase some books and to EZTan. At 5pm, I went back to Nanay Lady’s apartment. After Nanay and Bhoobie’s work, we had our dinner at Chowking.

That night we had a phtoshoot again. Haha

My 2013 10-day vacation Part 1: My Weekend, a blessing

I left home, June 13, 2013 and had a bus ride at 6:00pm. I was not used to traveling alone since I came back to Bicol and stayed for the past two years. I was kind of scared but managed to get through having short naps along the way. I thought I would be arriving too late in the morning but I arrived too early around 5:15. I took some breakfast at McDonalds and waited for my bestfriend, Liz. Later, we went to the MAMCC Cafeteria and joined her for breakfast. Then nanay lady came and had chit chats. Moreover, when we finished having our breakfast, Bes went off to work and Nanay helped me bring my things to her apartment.

That day passed having the whole day spent for sleeping, where I almost forgot eating lunch. But when I remembered, I had lunch at the cafeteria with Boobhie. As I was waiting for the day to pass, I spent it fixing my things for the weekend and having some selfie pictures. I made silly faces and listened to music. As I wait for Andrew to come, Nanay lady arrived from work, and we had some conversation and played my favorite game, 4pics-1word.  

Later on, Lady and I went to McDonalds and continued our conversation as we wait for Andrew. (There was heavy traffic.) It was a funny moment when I saw him, He was too cute like a teddy bear and I can’t stop but smile. Having some fats made him look way better than before – and it suits him really well. 

Nanay left and Andrew and I had our dinner. Later, we rode a bus going to Monumento (and honestly, I forgot where we stopped and waited for the next bus. I am not really good with directions and memorizing. Hahaha)

with Minette, Cel and Tita Baby at San Vicente SDA Church

It was one of the most unforgettable and happy weekends I had.I am happy spending time with them and going to church as well in San Vicente SDA Church.

I also had the chance to share a short talk/testimony.  My feet and knees were shaking and speaking in Filipino. Honestly, it was my first time to speak that long. But I thank my God for providing me words to speak for Him. It was about how God made me realize that He works through our prayers though he answers it with a no or a rare yes. 

I found a new family with Ate Mira and Andrew’s family. I was like a family to them. I really miss having to spend the weekend with them. I would always want to come back again.

Sunday came and we waited for each other at McDonalds. When Lisette came (It was two years ago, when I last saw her), off we went to star city. We spent the afternoon with Andrew, Lisette, Ate Mira and Seth enjoying the rides in Star City. Well, as for me there were rides that I didn’t really like, which no one could even force me (especially Viking and Jungle Splash… Hahaha…) But my favorite was ______ Haha. I would always want to come back and ride it no matter how many times it would take me to line up (hahahaha). But time was too short.

Monday, I had to go back to Pasay and get some things and buy something at MOA. It’s a secret. Haha. Its for me to know and for people to think. Haha. Anyways, by the afternoon, I had to go back home and travel by myself – that’s what I thought of (Hahaha). I rode the bus going to Monumento and stop at SM North EDSA. I thought it was just near, but it was too far – around 3 hour-bus ride. I am thankful to God that there were good people who sat beside me at the bus and got to ask some things ( especially when I thought I was at SM North when in fact I was not there yet.) God was so great he provided angels for me (because I am an angel as well… Hahaha!) When I arrived at SM North, Andrew was waiting there for me at Jollibee. (He came there faster than the bus... Syempre sumakay ng MRT/LRT ata yun Hahahaha!) We had our snack and we looked around and kept on looking for the food court and later went home. At the end of the day, I was smiling and I was really happy.

Tuesday came, I had to say goodbye to a family I love and I will continually love. How I wish I could lengthen my stay in their house, I had some errands and some things to do as well. 

its Mah Birthday

A blessing

This Sabbath started out great. We had our sabbath school lesson for the early teens and our topic was about the Sabbath. I thank my professor before in Personal Evangelism who taught us about bible study and our Bible markings. It helped us as we had our short bible study during our Sabbath school lesson.

But, later this afternoon, an accident happened. But still I praise God because my brother is better. Moreover, because of this incident, it entices me more to pursue my dream to be a doctor. Just like my mom said, she wished she could continue but she hopes to take general surgery as her specialty. But for me, I like pediatrics or maybe general surgery - either way, I know its' still my dream. I wanted to work in a hospital, maybe a government where they are really in need of nurses/doctors to be able to help more people not thinking of what status they may have in life. I love to help. I love to take good care of people, especially those whom I love. Most of all, I love to make people happy.

I know though these dreams may be unreachable this time, but time will come where I can be pursue this. But I want to help my family for a while before pursuing medicine. If it's God's will, then it will come. It's worth the wait.

Happy Birthday Julio!

Julio!!! Happy Happy Birthday! Dahil birthday mo ngaun, eto na yung request mo.. All my prayers for your birthday! Keep God in your heart always. Thank you for the time when I was there. Thank you for being a friend and a brother 

Acceptance and Forgiveness

Being thankful for the past is one of the best gifts God gives us. Forgiving and forgetting may be associated with each other. But the best is not forgetting but accepting that life has moved on, that each one is ready to face another book in their lives. It was not easy, but God paved the way to be just fine.

I have learned to forgive and to accept that there are certain things in this world that one must be. Learn to accept that there are other things that you must be thankful for. One of them is that you have learned and that you learned it early before committing yourself to a bigger responsibility.

What are the things I learned? Well, I had a lot. (a) God has a lot more things in mind than just putting yourself in the past- you need to grow, both of you needs it. (b) Respecting that the other does not want any more attachments - does not mean you had not moved on, it just means, the chapter was over and there was no more room for the both of you. No more attachments does not mean you can't be friends - you can still be friends, but not what you think you'd be. Acquaintance might be the best description of it. (c) Do not rush. Some things need time. It needs a lot of thinking. (d) Learn from your mistakes and don't do them again. (e) Don't push people, coz' eventually you'll regret them. (f) Learn to fight for what you know is right. If you love the person, why lay back when you could fight for them? (g) Most of all, God heals. God understands. God is faithful.

Well, there are a lot and it might take me years if I put them all together. But what is past remains in the past. I love my life NOW and I am thankful for where God has placed me today. Thank you for the broken heart that I learned to let go and to moved on. I am happy I am a new person in God.

People might misunderstood me for not talking. People might have misunderstood me for my actions toward you. People might have misunderstood me from not having attachments with you. But on that day that I realized, I know I would not open my doors nor my windows for you. One thing is for sure, I don't regret  having to let go. I don't regret that length of time that we had been together. I am thankful it happened. Because of it, I had a lot of lessons learned and I learned them earlier. I am thankful I am happier now.

Today and always, I am surrendering all my plans to God and to keep God in my heart always.It's not going to be easy but it's going to be worth it.  But as it said, waiting brings more happiness. If it's meant to be, it will be. All to God I give my praise.

Eleven PM

As I was typing for my next entry for my blog, I started to be sad. I don't know why... I don't know why I feel so sad today. Tears fall and can't manage to stop them. I feel so down. My heart begins to be sad for no reason at all. Was it because of too many sad things? or something else? I want to scream and shout and want to cry the hardest - but why can't I be able to make myself smile. My heart pounds like something is pushing me down. Sad.

The Parable of the Lost Card

Everyday before I start my review, I usually look at one card given by someone. But today was a different day, I can't seem to find it. I looked over my books, and my reviewers, where I usually have it - but it wasn't there. I cleaned my room and that one cabinet where I kept all my memorabilia - but still, it was nowhere to be found.

I almost cried when my mom kept on teasing me that I wouldn't find it anymore. The more she teases me, the more I become worried. I said, get out of my room and she replied, get out of my house - that was when I laughed.

 I am still hoping, I would be able to find it. It gives me motivation to study and gives me happiness once in a while. It makes me remember to smile and to hope for a better day. It gives me encouragement that no one had. As I am writing/typing this, I do feel sad, but I know there's still hope - just like with the lost sheep in one of Jesus' Parables.

 I pray, I can find you and promise to keep you closer to me.

Catching up with High School Friends

It’s nice to meet up with friends whom you haven’t been with in past years. They were my highschool classmates and friends. Joey and I met up at Mister Donut as he waits for Tinay. As we wait, we had chats and he told stories about his trip to Europe. Haha. And all the fun stuff in highschool – especially all my imperfections – siya kasi ang number one bully ko nung Highschool, HAHA. I thought people forgot about it because those were the things I never want to remember. I also shared stories to him about someone who has been inspiring me. (But I hope he does, but I’ll wait.  Mauuna muna siya magka-girlfriend before ako. Haha!) Joey told me to pursue that person. And I told him, I’ll be waiting for that person or whoever that person is. He also told me stories about someone in his college life in UP.

Tinay arrived and we had snacks at Metro Café – all taken care of by Joey. We shared stories and his stories about his Europe trip and the contest where he was a delegate. Later on, Karen called me up and invited all of us for dinner. The food at Yuri’s restaurant was really good. J Karen was going to Palawan by July as a controller and I think it would be forever as she said. Later on, they drove me home by 9pm.

Reserved in God’s Hands

I know in my life I had a lot of abrupt decisions – especially in falling in love. I had decisions left and right and eventually I had given up - finding for the right person to come along. Well, too many heartbreaks and disappointments could eventually calm you down and give up, right?

Maybe what was wrong was that I was looking for that person, trying my own means to do the looking – when what I can really do is to wait – WAIT for what God has reserved for me.

I have learned controlling my emotions and letting God in control. But sometimes, I get too hard headed begging God to show him to me. Yet, I don’t know if what He’s showing me is right in front of me. God is too mysterious. He is unpredictable. Well, what I know is that He still didn’t say No to that one prayer I continually pray for. That’s one hope I know He wouldn’t fail me.

After these review and exams, I know, everything would be clearer for me - clearer in a sense that maybe God would show Him to me. But wait, Jaja, don’t expect too much. Haha. Well, God, you know what and who I am looking for – Haha. I still didn’t picture him yet but I will patiently wait. (Sana Lord, si Lee Min Ho… Ang Lee Min Ho ng buhay ko... Haha)

Was having almost everything complicate everything? I don’t need riches or the status in life – all I wanted to be happy – to live a happy and simple life, full of love and understanding with God in the middle. I might have a complicated life, but I know someone will come and tell me that he would be willing to make my complicated life – a happy and simple one. Well, I hope that one day, the person God would show me would be the person who would love me for me, love my God and tell me always and everyday that I would always be beautiful in his eyes.

And I pray, I hope I deserve his love and time; because, he deserves more because he is God’s masterpiece.

Tears like a rainbow

Earlier this morning, I woke up in tears and I didn't seem to understand why. Then thoughts 'bout failing and disappointments came flooding. I couldn't help but control myself from too much crying... Then there it was, I got my blank face... Then tears rolled up liked rain.

I had my share of too many failures, from exams to expectations. I got to scared of my future - of what is ahead. What-ifs came about... what if I fail the exam? how will it be with my parents? I get so stressed of crying for hours. I didn't seem to lighten up.

I may be a strong person now. I may have all my smiles and nobody seemed to know if I am feeling bad or not. But once worries and thoughts came, tears wouldn't stop .

I know I need this little rain that eventually I would see a rainbow. I know my God have a lot of plans laid out for me. And I am happy I got to cry - I got to see how weak I am... That I need my God amid all of these things...

Thoughts  I learned from this from one good cherubim...To remind me of trusting God more and to remember how much my parents love me and how much my happiness means to them...

I thank God, he uses angels to keep me smiling again.

Oatmeal

These days, I have been contemplating on what to write and then I remembered – prayers! Yes, about prayers indeed!

In the past few weeks, I can’t forget one devotional we had, it was written by Kay Rizzo. I was inspired because, for some people – they knew what I had been through and what I am going through at the moment. The message eventually sunk in my heart and I am determined to continue serving God to the best I can.

The story was about prayers – prayers that came in mysterious ways. But did you ever wondered why some of our prayers are not answered? Or they are not just answered in the way we want it to be? Or maybe, have you ever questioned God, why do I have to pray when all I get is a no? Or was there a point in your life that you gave up praying because you grew tired of it?

The story was about a missionary named Sarah. Her coworkers have been in the US on leave and was left alone at the small Southeast Asian mission compound. Her term in the mission is about to end, yet problems came rushing in. one of which is that she began to experience severe pain in her side and stomach, moreover, her paycheck hasn’t arrive.

She tried visiting the post office day after day, only to find out that the paycheck wasn’t there. As the days passed, her pain in her stomach continue to worsen and her food supply lessen.

Was there any food that you really hate? Well, as for me, I had a couple – ampalaya (bitter gourd) and some dishes of eggplant especially adobong talong.

But what if those were the only food left in your cupboard?

Well, it happened to Sarah. But what is that food she disliked a lot? Oatmeal! Yes, oatmeal. All that is left is a large barrel of oatmeal. Maybe she doesn’t like if because of the way it slips down in your throat.

With oatmeal at her sight, and the stress she is undergoing - all she could do was pray. She asked God two things – first, to heal her from her sickness and second, for her paycheck to arrive to buy herself a ticket  home and buy some food other than oatmeal.

A couple of weeks passed. Her paycheck hadn’t arrive yet. For those weeks that she waited, three times a day, everyday, she had her hated oatmeal for her breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Do you think if you were in her situation, would you dare do the same? She continued to wait for her paycheck. But there was something good going on in herself- her health improved. Finally, the new missionaries arrived and little did she know – these missionaries has her paycheck! Having her paycheck, she went straight to the airline and bought herself a ticket home and treated herself for a delicious meal in a local restaurant – not oatmeal!

When she arrived in the US, she made an appointment to the doctor to have a complete check-up. She told about her illness and the oatmeal diet she had.

The doctor made several medical tests. When the doctor saw the results, he was surprised to see that Sarah’s condition was good. She had recovered from a severe case of colitis (which is the inflammation of the colon/ large intestine.) If she had been in the US earlier, she could’ve undergone a surgery.

Look, how God works in mysterious ways. Who would have guessed that the very thing Sarah hated the most was the answer to her prayer? Her two prayers were answered – maybe not immediately but it undergone a process.

Everyday, we have a constant battle in our hearts. And the enemy has been pinning in our hearts – doubts that could eventually put ourselves in dismay.  One lesson we can get from Sarah’s story is that when we find ourselves doubting God, trust God more and hold to yourself  to what you know is true. That God has a special purpose why these things do happen. (DG)

Another, expressing gratitude to God may also help us in lessen our stresses and suffering. To put our heart to God with a grateful heart has the capacity to flip or disappointment upside down. (DG)

Then finally, we must be willing to accept – to explore any attachment that might add up to our despair on how God has answered our prayer. Because, we know often we are accustomed of having or getting what we want when we want it. We must remember, that God does not promise to give us everything that we want. And sometimes, this could include surrendering ourselves or our own desires. Little did we know, this might also change ourselves – our character. (DG)

What if, rather than interpreting God’s “no” or “not yet” as punishment or indifference, we view it as an invitation to be transformed? There was one quote from CS Lewis in The Problem of Pain, “We are a Divine work of art, something that God is making and therefore something with which He will not be satisfied until it has a certain character.” (DG)

The possibility that waiting and suffering have the capacity to transform us offers us profound comfort while crushing our fear of God being fickle. Rather than needing God to answer my accusatory questions of “Why?” I am free to ask, “How can I find You in the midst of this?” This inquiry provides us with the traction we need to move beyond our pain and into the transformation that God has for us. (DG)

Like sarah, you and I seldom know what is best for us, what we are really asking for when we pray. If we patiently trust God to do what is best for us, sooner or later we’ll be glad He answered our prayers in His way and His own time. Like Sarah, we’ll discover that the King of the universe knew what he was doing all along. (KR)

Sources:

Over the Top by Kay D. Rizzo

When God Doesn’t Answer Our Prayer by Dorothy Greco (Relevant Magazine)

I am not perfect

Sometimes, what if I had everything I wanted? the height, the beauty, the voice, the life and everything? What if I had those? Would I be happy? Would I feel contented?

We are not born perfect, neither do I. If I had everything, I know I wouldn't ask for more. I know, I wouldn't need help. I know I wouldn't see that I had a God who gave me all of those. I would be more dependent upon myself rather than the grace He gives.

But, just what if I had the voice? Maybe, I would sing songs beautifully and record some stuff. Then eventually, would I still thank the God I have? I would... Singing might be my past time but never a career.

Just like other things, well aside from talking, singing is what I don't do good at. Sometimes, I pray to God, please do give me a voice - so I can sing songs for You. But, every time I tried, I had my flat notes. I maybe good at listening to other people singing, but I get scared about me - singing.

If there's one thing I could ask God - aside from good family, career and good life - its singing. So, I can sing beautiful songs for God.

My Loving Father, I know I may have asked you about a lot of things. I may have ask you about playing the piano and now I am asking about singing. I hope that one day, I would sing beautiful songs to glorify your name and inspire more people to accept you in their lives. Thank you Lord for being there for me, whenever and wherever. Amen.

Keep your prayers, God's answer is already there.

Love comes when you least expected it. I am afraid to love, because you know, in loving, you'll get your heart broken once in a while. It scares me to love again - it does and I am crying now. I don't wanna be hurt - that at times I tell my self - I don't want to love again.

I am a person who often escapes problems rather than attending them. I tend to let go easily, especially when I can't find any reason to stay. I am weak, I know. I guess that is reality. In LOVE, I am WEAK but God will make me strong along the way.

The reason may be behind this song..



Earlier this week, I read an article in Health & Home, it's about two persons who had two prayers but one was answered. It amazes me how God would bring two people together amid distance and differences. One thing I learned, keep your prayers, 'coz  you don't know God's answer to your prayer is already in front of you.

God, make me strong each day. Lord, please be with the person you've planned for me. Please let him be the one - the one whom I will spend the rest of my life with. You know, I am scared, you know all my tears and my smiles that I often hide. Please don't make me stop smiling. And please continue to believe that there is true love - a love founded in You. Make him be a person whom you wanted to be. Help him be close to you and nurture him in his plans - that together we may glorify you and help in the furtherance in thy work. Lord, how I wish, I could see him now - but I know you won't reveal him to me unless I am ready - ready to face the world and to finally stand tall again. But if it is the right time, I am willing to accept what you wanted for me Lord. It scares me, but I hope he'll be the person I have been praying for. Amen.

Naga Day :)

Yesterday we had a nice yet tiring day. I helped my cousin with his enrollment at Naga View Adventist College. It was fun coz we got to ride uncle Fiel's  one month car- Altera. I was with my mom, two younger brothers, uncle Pons and his sons and his daughter and Uncle Fiel as well.

I really didn't enjoyed that much because hyper acidity struck me again. (I remembered having Sprite the other day.) But it stopped when I laid down and got some rest after lunch.

After Carlo's enrollment and his things brought to his room, we finally left NVAC. Then, we dropped by SM City Naga, where sadly I couldn't find shoes for my cute feet. My brother, Macc looked at some toys and JanJan went missing for some time - only to find out he was at the  corner with sweets and snacks.

After some window shopping, we had our snacks at McDonalds and left SM City Naga afterwards. We took a side trip at Mitsubishi Shop at Naga to inquire about Montero. (Ang Ganda ng Montero Sport). Then off we went home.

Thoughts for Tuesday

Life has its ways of making you realize a lot of things. You could've got into a big problem because of two things - you expected too much or you assumed too much. Both things maybe good but too much would make you heartbroken. So, just live life as it is and stop expecting or assuming about things. God bless!

Blanca's birthday

Sometimes It Takes a Storm

Yes, sometimes, it takes a storm to remember you are weak and you needed someone for help. Often, we rely too much on ourselves and forget that we need someone up there. Sometimes, we are at highest and we tend to enjoy what is in there but forget who brought us there. It is in our weakest that we find that all comes from Him and Him alone. It is in God that we find our hiding place.


Sometimes it Takes a Storm

1
When your waters are so troubled, you don't think you count at all. 
Waves may seem like mountains, when your boat is oh so small. 
But somewhere past the clouds, waits a new day to begin. 
Sometimes it takes a storm,  to calm your storm within.

Chorus:) 
Sometimes it takes a storm, to know you need a shelter. 
When the anchor's in your life, disappear without a trace.
Sometimes the wind will rage, before you sail calm waters. 
Sometimes it takes a storm, to find a hiding place.

2.
They were drifting in the darkness, the sea was all around. 
They cried out to the Master, please save us or we'll drown. 
Jesus heard the cries, and mercy stilled the wind. 
Sometimes it takes a storm, to see the sun again.
Repeat Chorus