Tears like a rainbow

Earlier this morning, I woke up in tears and I didn't seem to understand why. Then thoughts 'bout failing and disappointments came flooding. I couldn't help but control myself from too much crying... Then there it was, I got my blank face... Then tears rolled up liked rain.

I had my share of too many failures, from exams to expectations. I got to scared of my future - of what is ahead. What-ifs came about... what if I fail the exam? how will it be with my parents? I get so stressed of crying for hours. I didn't seem to lighten up.

I may be a strong person now. I may have all my smiles and nobody seemed to know if I am feeling bad or not. But once worries and thoughts came, tears wouldn't stop .

I know I need this little rain that eventually I would see a rainbow. I know my God have a lot of plans laid out for me. And I am happy I got to cry - I got to see how weak I am... That I need my God amid all of these things...

Thoughts  I learned from this from one good cherubim...To remind me of trusting God more and to remember how much my parents love me and how much my happiness means to them...

I thank God, he uses angels to keep me smiling again.

Oatmeal

These days, I have been contemplating on what to write and then I remembered – prayers! Yes, about prayers indeed!

In the past few weeks, I can’t forget one devotional we had, it was written by Kay Rizzo. I was inspired because, for some people – they knew what I had been through and what I am going through at the moment. The message eventually sunk in my heart and I am determined to continue serving God to the best I can.

The story was about prayers – prayers that came in mysterious ways. But did you ever wondered why some of our prayers are not answered? Or they are not just answered in the way we want it to be? Or maybe, have you ever questioned God, why do I have to pray when all I get is a no? Or was there a point in your life that you gave up praying because you grew tired of it?

The story was about a missionary named Sarah. Her coworkers have been in the US on leave and was left alone at the small Southeast Asian mission compound. Her term in the mission is about to end, yet problems came rushing in. one of which is that she began to experience severe pain in her side and stomach, moreover, her paycheck hasn’t arrive.

She tried visiting the post office day after day, only to find out that the paycheck wasn’t there. As the days passed, her pain in her stomach continue to worsen and her food supply lessen.

Was there any food that you really hate? Well, as for me, I had a couple – ampalaya (bitter gourd) and some dishes of eggplant especially adobong talong.

But what if those were the only food left in your cupboard?

Well, it happened to Sarah. But what is that food she disliked a lot? Oatmeal! Yes, oatmeal. All that is left is a large barrel of oatmeal. Maybe she doesn’t like if because of the way it slips down in your throat.

With oatmeal at her sight, and the stress she is undergoing - all she could do was pray. She asked God two things – first, to heal her from her sickness and second, for her paycheck to arrive to buy herself a ticket  home and buy some food other than oatmeal.

A couple of weeks passed. Her paycheck hadn’t arrive yet. For those weeks that she waited, three times a day, everyday, she had her hated oatmeal for her breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Do you think if you were in her situation, would you dare do the same? She continued to wait for her paycheck. But there was something good going on in herself- her health improved. Finally, the new missionaries arrived and little did she know – these missionaries has her paycheck! Having her paycheck, she went straight to the airline and bought herself a ticket home and treated herself for a delicious meal in a local restaurant – not oatmeal!

When she arrived in the US, she made an appointment to the doctor to have a complete check-up. She told about her illness and the oatmeal diet she had.

The doctor made several medical tests. When the doctor saw the results, he was surprised to see that Sarah’s condition was good. She had recovered from a severe case of colitis (which is the inflammation of the colon/ large intestine.) If she had been in the US earlier, she could’ve undergone a surgery.

Look, how God works in mysterious ways. Who would have guessed that the very thing Sarah hated the most was the answer to her prayer? Her two prayers were answered – maybe not immediately but it undergone a process.

Everyday, we have a constant battle in our hearts. And the enemy has been pinning in our hearts – doubts that could eventually put ourselves in dismay.  One lesson we can get from Sarah’s story is that when we find ourselves doubting God, trust God more and hold to yourself  to what you know is true. That God has a special purpose why these things do happen. (DG)

Another, expressing gratitude to God may also help us in lessen our stresses and suffering. To put our heart to God with a grateful heart has the capacity to flip or disappointment upside down. (DG)

Then finally, we must be willing to accept – to explore any attachment that might add up to our despair on how God has answered our prayer. Because, we know often we are accustomed of having or getting what we want when we want it. We must remember, that God does not promise to give us everything that we want. And sometimes, this could include surrendering ourselves or our own desires. Little did we know, this might also change ourselves – our character. (DG)

What if, rather than interpreting God’s “no” or “not yet” as punishment or indifference, we view it as an invitation to be transformed? There was one quote from CS Lewis in The Problem of Pain, “We are a Divine work of art, something that God is making and therefore something with which He will not be satisfied until it has a certain character.” (DG)

The possibility that waiting and suffering have the capacity to transform us offers us profound comfort while crushing our fear of God being fickle. Rather than needing God to answer my accusatory questions of “Why?” I am free to ask, “How can I find You in the midst of this?” This inquiry provides us with the traction we need to move beyond our pain and into the transformation that God has for us. (DG)

Like sarah, you and I seldom know what is best for us, what we are really asking for when we pray. If we patiently trust God to do what is best for us, sooner or later we’ll be glad He answered our prayers in His way and His own time. Like Sarah, we’ll discover that the King of the universe knew what he was doing all along. (KR)

Sources:

Over the Top by Kay D. Rizzo

When God Doesn’t Answer Our Prayer by Dorothy Greco (Relevant Magazine)

Keep your prayers, God's answer is already there.

Love comes when you least expected it. I am afraid to love, because you know, in loving, you'll get your heart broken once in a while. It scares me to love again - it does and I am crying now. I don't wanna be hurt - that at times I tell my self - I don't want to love again.

I am a person who often escapes problems rather than attending them. I tend to let go easily, especially when I can't find any reason to stay. I am weak, I know. I guess that is reality. In LOVE, I am WEAK but God will make me strong along the way.

The reason may be behind this song..



Earlier this week, I read an article in Health & Home, it's about two persons who had two prayers but one was answered. It amazes me how God would bring two people together amid distance and differences. One thing I learned, keep your prayers, 'coz  you don't know God's answer to your prayer is already in front of you.

God, make me strong each day. Lord, please be with the person you've planned for me. Please let him be the one - the one whom I will spend the rest of my life with. You know, I am scared, you know all my tears and my smiles that I often hide. Please don't make me stop smiling. And please continue to believe that there is true love - a love founded in You. Make him be a person whom you wanted to be. Help him be close to you and nurture him in his plans - that together we may glorify you and help in the furtherance in thy work. Lord, how I wish, I could see him now - but I know you won't reveal him to me unless I am ready - ready to face the world and to finally stand tall again. But if it is the right time, I am willing to accept what you wanted for me Lord. It scares me, but I hope he'll be the person I have been praying for. Amen.

Prayers in Different Ways - Only God Knows

Prayers do come in different answers. It may evidently tell you, you’re prayers are answered. Then sometimes, it would tell you – Wait, this is not what I want for you, not now maybe later. God never said – No, he just says, WAIT. I have something more for you :) 

Special Thanks to Andrew :)