Said and Unsaid Marks

People have different marks in your life. Some would inspire you to do the things you used to do. There are people who believed in you and you take courage in them. But there are people that the more they push you away, the more you get disappointed and sad.

Once there was someone who brought the music back in me. Well, he inspired me a lot in studying the piano again. I tried to pick up my notes and my chords and try to start from them - maybe because we both feel connected in music. It was in music that we started to be friends. It was in music that we spend our breaks with or when we have nothing to talk about. Dream, right? Well, it didn’t last long. Coz’ it eventually died down. People change and people leave.

So, I began to go back to the things I used to do, blogging – no one even tried to inspire me to do it again. It was my outlet of joy and tears, of learnings and regrets and of setbacks and successes.

Maybe because I expect too myself from myself and too much from others, that’s why people tend to leave.

Of all things, feeling all alone, and said and unsaid goodbyes are the saddest.

Feeling all alone – it scares me just thinking I am alone, that the people I value the most would eventually leave. That is why leaving puts a big scar in my heart. Often, I send random messages to friends – a gratitude and thoughts of hope and tears that they wouldn’t leave me no matter what. It may sound that I might be begging for companionship – but that is how I value friendship – I wanted them to feel that they are important in my life that they too have a place in my heart. If it might’ve offended one or more, I am sorry, I never intended to hurt or to put burden of any sort in you. Knowing you are there for me and knowing someone is listening – that’s enough for me.

Coz, I know I my heart, I wanted to be valued and appreciated. Who doesn’t want that? Everyone needs it, right?

Then, what is the good in goodbye? It has never been good, it has always been the other side. So, what is the difference in said and unsaid goodbyes. In said goodbyes- you know why the person has to leave, while unsaid goodbyes leave you to no good, no reason, no anything, and leaves you empty handed and questions why. Why does he or she has to to leave? Did I do something wrong to make him or her leave? It leaves you disturbed and unimportant.

Reasons or no reasons – both makes you sad, but all you can do is to UNDERSTAND; maybe these people has their own troubles and doesn’t want you to get in the way.

But what saddens me are – promises, a promise that he or she will never change, that he or she will be there no matter what happens. Is it true or is it just a matter of making you feel calm? I don’t know. He or she might have reasons but only he or she knows it.

God, help me to calm down and to understand people. I know I am very sensitive about others and I tend to assume if I caused hurt. I am sorry in any other way that I caused people to feel sad or bad about anything I did. Forgive me Lord. Amen.

Happy Birthday Bes!

Missing Someone

Minsan nakakalungkot din talaga. Kung sinu man xa, akin na lang yun. 

Basta, I know I am happy today :) Thank you God!

All things worked for our good

Two years ago, as far as I can remember, I endured one of the hardest parts of my life – letting go of my first love. Hard as it is, it took time for me to move on. It was not easy. I struggled a lot. I hurt a couple of people and disappointed a lot of my friends. Then and there, God paved the way for me, to excel in school and in other ways. God taught me how it is to be a volunteer teacher for teens during Sabbath School. I conquered some of my fears. I begun to sang songs (well, I know I am not really good at it.) I learned how was it to be a big sister, a mother and a friend to my younger siblings. God taught me great lessons – from school to family. I may still be at the crossroads but I continued to have faith in God.

As far as I can remember, I know the first meeting was a disaster – awkward. I was kind of bitter but I begun to know why.  I was not ready that time either to see him or to talk to him. Everything came pouring because people tried to push us together and that made me mad. But I tried to evaluate myself that time – there was none. There are no more feelings left. And no, nothing is between us anymore. 

Last week, we got to talk. I thought meeting him for the second time would turn to be another disaster. But, I was wrong. The conversation went smoothly. All things were cleared. Now, I know that sometimes, people need to talk. I am happy that we are good – good friends.

Moreover, it's nice to know that some things are better now. Past done. Present-here I come! Thank you GOD!

Just like a famous song, says...
All things work for our good though sometimes we don't see how they could. Struggles that break our hearts in two, sometimes blind us to the truth. Our Father knows what's best for us His ways are not our own. So when your pathway grows dim and you just don't see him, remember you’re never alone. God is too wise to be mistaken. God is too good to be unkind. So, when you don't understand, when don't see his plan, when you can't trace his hand, trust His Heart.

Every heartbreak, every struggle, all makes us stronger. It is God's way of saying, I am here and I won't let you fall. I will be there all the way and I won't leave you behind.

Time goes and changes come. We don’t know what the future holds. But the best thing is – to take things slow. Prioritize the priorities. Face the problems that are right in front of you. Keep looking up to God. If it’s meant to be, it will be. All in God’s time.

Growing UP

Growing up is hard, especially learning how to deal with it. I grew up being the eldest and often I was like the youngest maybe because I was the only girl.

My family started from scratch and learned how to live life. Eventually, my parents became successful - well, my mom is good in handling the business. Struggles in family kept on growing the more problems, the harder it is to handle life.

Moreover, it took time and I too became involved in this family. I didn't meddle often with the family issues, but when things got messy, I know I had to take my stand. It was hard. It is hard. It was hard to balance things and trying to protect the family. But there are things that people need to understand. We are not a perfect family. Imperfect as it is, I became weak all throughout.

Then and there, I continued to struggle. I asked God for help, and He didn't fail me. He still keeps me strong and keeps my hopes up. Though I am still in the crossroads, I know He'd continue to bless me and my family. Help me Lord. I surrender everything to you.