Everything Takes Time

Preboards are done, and here comes a new beginning - starting over again.

As the song goes, starting over again is not the easiest thing to do. We had our fall-backs, but we have to stand up.

I realized this afternoon, it could be really heart breaking going over your preboard exams. The moment you turn and flip those pages, you'll say, "I did what I can do and why is it not enough? -  at the end, you still fail. I wanted to cry but yet, crying wouldn't help. I wanted to go home, but escaping is not the answer. We go through problems, left and right - but why do these things don't go away in just a snap.

Going back...

When I was taking the exams, I pushed everything, even those that I didn't know. Answers came in as they go. I grew tired because I tried to depend on myself, but the moment I let it go - God was in control. It felt lighter than the beginning. But as they day pass, Practical Accounting 2 made all the difference - my battery died down - I was tired. But when I remembered, I told myself - Cheer up Ja! God was with you, why worry? Then I was all smilling again - felt like there were no problems at hand anymore.

Remembering what happened last Sunday and Monday - why do I feel so sad and really felt so down and bad? I am scared, tired and disappointed. I am disappointed with myself. Gathering all my scores - it made me more sad. Tears wanted to roll down, but I have to control myself -  because I wanted to be strong.

No matter how I make myself happy - Eating what I like, doing what I want, going out with my friends - why can't it all answer my emptiness.

No matter how hard I try to be positive-minded, why can't I smile for myself. Why can't I put back the smile I had the time the exams was over- WHY?

Realizations....

Everything may take time. I may not feel better now, or tomorrow or the next day. But I know, it will be ok - I will be ok - In God's time.

Dear God,

Lord, I am scared and tired. Help me. I can't carry this anymore. I surrender all my load to You. Help me feel alot better. Help me to believe in myself and to believe in what You can do in me and what plans You have for me. I do believe these things happen for a reason. And I claim Your promise...

"Every test that you have experienced is the kind that normally comes to people. But God keeps his promise, and he will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to the test, he will give you the strength to endure it, and so provide you with a way out." 1 Corinthians 10:13

Amen.